At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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