Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize