i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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