I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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