No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There are leaves in my underwear?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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