That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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