Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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