too bad you live with your parents still
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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