My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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