I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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