Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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