Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize