The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
