The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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