I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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