Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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