you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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