I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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