my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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