How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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