the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize