Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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