tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize