You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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