i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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