you turned your livingroom into a bong?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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