I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm always down for nudity.
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