I think i peed on brittanys purse
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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