I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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