he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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