Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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