I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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