I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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