My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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