I just threw up on my dentist
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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