my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize