do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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