I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize