Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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