dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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