This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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