there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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