I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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