This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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