dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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