I faked an abortion last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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