This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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