Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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