You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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