this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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