You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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