Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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