She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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