she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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